What I Found: Childhood Bedroom Closet Edition

What I Found When I Cleaned Out My Childhood Bedroom Closet For The First Time Since Sixth Grade

(A Comprehensive List)

  • old cassette tapes (mostly audiobooks)
  • t-shirts from middle and high school extracurricular activities and theatre productions
  • costume pieces
  • homecoming dresses
  • vintage clothing (not in a cute way)
  • several baby pictures of myself

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  • old diaries and half-used journals
    • including: a wanted ad I wrote in a diary (at age 13) for a Perfect Boyfriend
      • the ad is SPOT-ON applicable to the Fella

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  • an old Game Boy link cable
  • a glitter baton
  • a meow stick that doesn’t work except for the exact moment I knocked it over and it made a horrifying gargling moan and I screamed a little and dropped it on the floor

  • a Hit Clips complete with *NSync’s “It’s Gonna Be Me” locked and loaded…but the battery is dead
  • an *NSync visor and an *NSync bucket hat, each purchased at a separate live performance of the finest boy band ever to grace a public stage

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  • clothes from an age where acid wash made sense and all shirts I owned needed to have either celtic imagery or horses or both
  • shoes. lots of shoes. too many shoes. why the hell are there so many shoes in there? what did I DO with so many shoes???
  • a birdhouse I made in art class in 5th grade with a considerable amount of adult supervision
  • one two three pairs of fairy wings, all different

  • terrible incredible one-of-a-kind paintings of childhood pets, including a lop-eared bunny named Coco, a gray-and-blue budgie named…I forget what her name was, and a horse who was absolutely made up and did not actually belong to me in any way
  • notes for made-up games circa 2000 for a Harry Potter book release party that I never actually hosted, including proof that I invented real life quidditch several years before those meddling kids at Middlebury College in 2005
  • a small plush palm tree (???)
  • a small rainstick
  • a metric buttload of Beanie Babies in painfully good condition
    • do you want some? see me for details
  • more clothes hangers than a Goodwill store
  • a lifetime’s worth of stuffed animals, mostly won from crane machines because I’m that good
  • five chapters (printed, not handwritten) of a Mary Sue Lord of the Rings fanfic in which my protagonist performs combat based on a scene from the Sandra Bullock movie “Miss Congeniality” and can talk to horses

  • ten pages (handwritten) of a Harry Potter fanfic wherein Malfoy steals Hedwig and re-names her Beast for some reason, probably to prove a point about his manhood
  • the remnants and debris of several feather boas (black, dark green, and dark purple) which are suspiciously missing
  • a limited edition Star Wars: Episode One jumbo cup from Taco Bell shaped like Queen Amidala
  • a pair of purple plush VW Bug slippers
  • books and books and books and books and books and books and

  • a small shell box containing a (preserved) seahorse carcass (Past Me, what the HECK)
  • six forensics trophies from high school
  • seven disposable cameras
  • a Mickey Mouse telephone that I won in a raffle in 7th grade
  • a Furby

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  • a copy of a deeply philosophical and emotional one-act play I was in in 2006, penned by a dear poetic old friend of mine
  • my mother’s only extant baby picture
  • my very favorite oldest toy unicorn, whom I thought was utterly lost in time but is safe and sound after all!!!!!!

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  • a newfound sense of gratitude for my upbringing, and a fresh resolve to not needlessly hoard like this ever again ❤

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